Scripture Reference:

     If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 1 Corinthians 13:2-3

Relationship Skill to practice for September 2012:

            "Reading aloud is a good relationship tool"

     

Explanation of this skill:
   At a faculty meeting of the Family Practice Department at the VCU Medical College of Virginia, the Department Chairman read a story that mesmerized the faculty for thirty minutes. Why did this activity bring such stillness among the group? When traveling, why has listening to books on tape become so popular? Why would a group of inmates in jail sit together and listen to a book on tape?

   Many people have fond memories of their schoolteachers reading stories aloud on a regular basis. What is the basis of these memories? There is much more going on than just the content of the story.

   Reading aloud activates the auditory imagination. To a young child, this will give birth to a love for reading; to older folks it is a delightful experience.

   Reading aloud is not only an enjoyable moment; it is an excellent relationship tool between adults as well as children. Reading aloud is like taking a trip together. You experience similar emotions, identify with the characters and live out the suspense of the moment. Part of the relationship connection must also be the time involved in bringing people together. Reading aloud is a consistent vehicle that brings parent-child or a family or adults together.

   Reading aloud creates a much stronger relationship connection than television. Even though entertainment can be relaxing, why does it not build relationship? The consistent time together and the auditory imagination must be the difference between reading aloud and television. We experience the difference between the auditory and visual imagination when we read a book and then watch a movie of the same book. The movie is almost invariably a letdown compared to the book.  

  Why is there direct correlation between reading aloud and academic success? This is because the relationship time and the experience of the auditory imagination activate or enhance a love for reading. As a child reads, vocabulary increases and concepts are understood. Vocabulary and concepts are the basis of all academic success. 
  Another benefit of reading aloud is character development. We will all identify with the heroes in a story and learn about character traits through their example. This example and identification is a much stronger teaching tool as compared to just defining particular character traits. The benefits of reading aloud are numerous and do not stop when the child learns how to read. Look at it this way; by reading aloud, you are investing a book into your child’s memory for the rest of his or her life. 

Practical expressions of this skill:

   Parents can get age appropriate classics, novels, books and read to their children throughout their time in the home. Even though older children get busier, reading aloud after dinner or after homework, as a family activity or one-on-one, is enjoyable.

  Reading aloud on car trips or books-on-tapes in a car is captivating.

  A spouse can read to the other spouse while one is washing dishes, prior to falling asleep or just when desiring to relax together. A good novel or book draws people together.

  As older adults desire to develop relationship with kids considered high-risk, reading aloud is a tool that builds relationship as well as having significant implications for the children that are being read too.

  Virginia’s general assembly has designated the third week in October as “Read aloud to a Child week’. This year’s theme is ‘presidents’ as it is an election year. A good web site for suggested age appropriate books is www.readtothem.org. Make a commitment to read aloud to a child in your life. It will be one of the most rewarding 20 minutes of your day.

Example:

   In 2009, I was talking to a young soldier about his children and listening to his stories. He was concerned about the amount of time they were watching television. I begin to share with him about reading aloud. I was also with a 60-year-old physician from the mid-west who was listening intently. After listening for a few minutes, he began to share in detail the memories he had when he was 6 years old when his mother read Jungle Book to him. The glow in his eyes, the fondness in voice, and the details of the story were all very crystal to him, now 54 years later. His mother’s presence, the story’s characters, the joy of the moment --each had left a clear imprint on his heart for fifty-four years.  

  For many stories how a read aloud program has affected whole schools and school districts, go to www.readtothem.org. The stories are thrilling.

       

The foundation of relationship:

   God is the author of life. Life is about relationship. Contrary to this, American culture says life is about success and success is measured by one’s power, position, wealth or fame. In this environment, relationships are devalued in the pursuit of success. God has designed life such that our relationships or our love for people is the only thing that has eternal value. Our power, position, wealth or fame has no eternal value unless used as an expression of love to serve others. Paul writes to the Christian community in Corinth, even though they were very gifted in prophecy and faith, even though they were very generous and sacrificial, it all counted for nothing if they did not love one another.

   We must understand that our relationship with God (or lack thereof) affects our relationship with people. If we receive the unbounded and infinite love God has towards us, we will be able to generously love others. If we do not receive God's love, then we will look for love and affirmation from those around us. This creates unrealistic expectations that can lead to disappointments and relationship breakdown. 

   God has chosen to relate with the human race through a personal relationship with individuals.[i] Jesus’ sacrifice at the Cross is the doorway into this relationship with God as we receive His forgiveness.[ii] He loves and knows us individually as unique and valuable to Him.[iii] This personal relationship is the centerpiece of a Christian’s life and is the foundation for all other relationships.[iv] As an individual experiences God’s initiatory love, the more they will experience self-acceptance. In response to God’s love for him or her, a person will fall in love with God. From this foundation, an individual will learn to value relationships and to love people. God will spend our lifetime enlarging our capacity to love people.

God’s purpose and our purpose in this life:

  God’s purpose over our lifetime is to change us to be like Christ, which means we are to have the character of Christ and to love like Christ.[v] God uses the joys, the pains and the challenges of the relationships in our lives to mold us into this Christ-likeness.

  Our purpose in this life is to glorify God.[vi] Because God is the essence of love, a Christian will glorify God by loving people. God has commanded us to love people. As we actively love people, our lives will be changed. This growth process will create an ever-enlarging dependency and trust in God. As our trust in Him leads to obedience in our relationships, God is glorified and honored.  A commitment to love people will not only be a source of joy but will also act as a rudder to help guide us into the very works that God has created us for.

The Relationships that God has placed around us:

   There are four distinct groups of people that God has placed around us in order to accomplish His purpose in our lives. We are changed into the image of Christ as we learn to relate appropriately within each of these four groups throughout our life.[vii]

These four groups are:

1. Family[viii]
2. Church[ix]
3. City[x]
4. Nation[xi]

God designed the family and has a purpose for it even though we humans often reject His plan. The rejection of God’s plan has created much pain and life-long heartache for many. By God’s design the family was to be the beginning of our relationship orientation to life. The family is to be the first place where we would learn about and experience love and truth, of which He is the author. In the family our sense of belonging develops which causes us to value intimacy and commitment in our relationships.[xii]  We develop our capacity to trust within the family and it is there that we also learn to love, to forgive and to communicate. The family is where we gain an understanding that a higher priority should be placed on our relationships rather than on our individual happiness.[xiii] By God’s design, it is in the family that we are to learn that authority is to be protective and not to be self-serving.[xiv]  These lessons will prepare us to have fulfilling lifetime relationships with God and with people.

             Next, in the church we learn to love and worship God corporately.[xv]  We learn to love people who are different from ourselves and carry their own pain and heartache that can make them very difficult to love. In this atmosphere, we learn new lessons of God’s mercy and holiness. A local church could be described as both a relational and emotional hospital as well as a discipleship-training center.[xvi]  It is in the church that Christ enlarges our capacity to love and trust by teaching us to love and trust those in the Christian community, which is our new adopted family.[xvii] What we learn in these relationships also facilitates the development of good friendships, both Christian and non-Christian. The function of the local church is essential in God’s plan for a Christian’s life.

            A Christian not only acquires the capacity to love other Christians in the church, but he discovers that God cares about those outside the church and His desire is for Christians to care also.[xviii]  He has placed Christians in cities for the good of the city by being vessels for His goodness to a city and by being His ambassadors to draw others unto Him.[xix] In the city, Christians have an opportunity to love those who are radically different and even learn to love those who might hate them.[xx]

God views each nation as unique and valuable. His command is “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations”.[xxi] If a nation is ever to become a Christian nation, it will happen city by city, one city at a time. It is the local Christian community of each city that is to be the primary vehicle for Christ’s blessing to that city and its surrounding region.

Heaven itself will reflect God’s love for the people of all nations as Christians are gathered from every nation to worship God. In Revelations the scripture says, “After this I looked and there before me was a great multitude that no man could count, from every nation, tribe, people and language, standing before the throne and in front of the Lamb. …they fell down on their faces before the throne and worshiped God, saying: ‘Amen! Praise and glory and wisdom and thanks and honor and power and strength be to our God for ever and ever. Amen!”[xxii]

---

[i] Jeremiah 9:24 But let him that glorieth glory in this, that he understandeth and knoweth me, that I am the Lord that exercise lovingkindness, judgment and righteousness, in the earth: for in these things I delight, saith the Lord.

  John 17:3   And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

  1 John 5:20  And we know that the Son of God has come and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true and that we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life.

  Philippians 3:10 That I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death

[ii]  Ephesians 1:6-7  To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins,according to the riches of his grace.

   Acts 4:12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

[iii] 2 Corinthians 5:17-18  Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold all things are become new. And all things are of God, who hath reconciled all things unto himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation:

[iv] Mark 12:30-13  And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Thee is none other commandment greater than these.

(see earlier footnote #1 )

[v] Romans 8:29  For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.

    2 Corinthians 3:18    But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed  into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

    Acts 11:26 ...And the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.

[vi] John 17:4  I have glorified thee on the earth: I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do.

    John 15:8  Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

[vii] 1Thessalonians 3:12 And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you.

     1Thessalonians 4:9-10  But as touching brotherly love, ye need not that I write unto you: for ye yourselves are taught of God to love one another. And indeed ye do it toward all the brethren which are in all Macedonia: but we beseech you, brethren, that ye increase more and more.

      Matthew 5:44-48  But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you:… for  if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? Do not even the publicans do the same?  And if you salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? Do  not even the publicans so?

   1 Corinthians 13:1-3 ...and have not charity, I am nothing….and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing

[viii] Genesis 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

   Mark 10:6-14  But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother, and cleave to his wife. And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder…Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

  Ephesians 5:31-6:4 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church….And ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

[ix] Hebrews 10:25 Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is: but exhorting one another….

     Acts 2:42     And they continued stedfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers…And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

     Luke 8:21   …My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God and do it.

[x]  Luke 19:41    And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it.

     Jonah 4:11 And should not I spare Nineveh, that great city, wherein are more than sixscore thousand persons that cannot discern between their right hand and their left hand; and also much cattle.

[xi] Psalm 33:12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord: and the people whom he hath chosen for his  own inheritance

[xii] Exodus 20:12  Honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

     Genesis 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

     Ephesians 6:1-4  Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother… nuture and admonition of the Lord.

[xiii] 1 Timothy 5:8  But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

     John 13:1-17…having loved his own which were in this world…Jesus knowing that the Father  had given all things into his hands…..began to wash the disciples feet….For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you….happy are ye if ye do them.

[xiv] 1 John 5:3 For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments and his commandments are not grievous.

[xv] Psalm 122:1  I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.

    (see footnote #3)

    Ephesians 2:18-22  For through him we both have access by one spirit unto the Father. Now therefore…In whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord. In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.                                                                             

[xvi] Matthew 9:12  But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick…..for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

    2 Timothy 2:2-4 And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier.

[xvii] Romans 8:14    For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God. For ye have not  received the spirit of bondage again to fear: but ye have received the spirit of adoption,whereby we cry, Abba, Father.

     Luke 8:21        …My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it.

[xviii] Jeremiah 29:11  And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace.                         

 (see footnote #4)

[xix] 2 Corinthians 5:18-21 And all things are of God…and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation. Now then we are ambassadors for Christ…For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin: that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

[xx]Luke 6:27-35 …Love your enemies,…for he is kind to the unthankful and to the evil.                                     

 (see footnote #6)

[xxi] Matthew 28:19 Go ye therefore and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father…

 (see footnote #5)                       

[xxii] Revelation 7:9-12 (NIV)